Reddit user randomzy876 recently asked, “What is the weirdest thing someone said to you after sex?” Some were honestly a bit annoying, while others were just downright weeeeird. Here’s what people revealed:
1. “‘If I could afford it, I’d pay for you to have your buttcrack raised about two inches higher. It would look a lot nicer that way. That’s all that’s missing.’ He wanted my ass crack to extend into my lower back?! 😤”
2. “He asked, ‘Are you a cuddler?’ and I said, ‘Yeah, I like a cuddle now and then.’ He said, ‘Okay, well, I’m not,’ and rolled over. Okay, no worries; I also rolled over. A few minutes later, he said, ‘Well, you know, if you want to cuddle me, that’s fine, I guess. I suppose I don’t mind, if you really want to…’”
3. “I had a one-night hookup with a girl I met on a rafting trip. When she left my tent, she woke me up just to say, ‘See you never,’ zipped it up, and left.”
4. “One client told me I was going to hell if I didn’t repent. He told me he already regretted our encounter and was going to repent that Sunday, so he’d be fine. But I had to stop earning money through sex and repent if I wanted to be saved.”
5. “My wife and I lost our virginity to each other. Afterwards, she said, ‘I used to be scared of dying a virgin. Now I’m just scared of dying.’”
6. “We were lying in bed afterwards when she goes, ‘Are you left-handed?’ I am not left-handed.”
7. “He liked it when I scratched his back after sex. No problem! Until one day, when I was doing it, he sighed and said, ‘It reminds me of my mom.’ Um. Sir.”
8. “Took a selfie of us right after and said, ‘This goes into my hall of fame.’”
9. “My girlfriend went, ‘It sounded like you were giving birth.’ We still laugh about it eight years later.”
10. “When my boyfriend and I lost our virginity to each other, the first thing he immediately said to me right after he put it inside me was, ‘USB in.’”
11. “‘Oh no, oh no, I have post-nut clarity. I have to go.’ True story. Obviously, I blocked him after that. I know I’m not the prettiest out there, but goddamn.”
12. “‘So, your friend…is she single?’ As I was lying in bed.”
13. “My first hook up. ‘I like how your nipples are big.’ They are normal-sized nipples. IDK if he had seen tits before.”
14. “He turned around, grabbed his iPad, and watched some political debate. Said I could leave now.”
15. “‘You know, our relationship is like a gallon of milk; it has an expiration date.’”
16. “He immediately started talking about his ex.”
17. “We were walking towards each other after we were done. She reached down, grabbed my penis, did a handshake with it, and said, ‘Nice doing business with you!’”
18. “‘Ha! I wish I could see my ex’s face.’”
19. “‘You feeling it now, Mr. Krabs?’ She thought it was hilarious.”
20. “She said, ‘How do we explain this to your brother if he finds out? Do we have to?’ They had dated in high school.”
21. “About eight or nine years ago, I was hooking up with this guy who told me he hadn’t had sex before. When we eventually did have sex, he told me, ‘Huh! That wasn’t as good as I thought it was going to be.’ I told him maybe he could have kept that comment to himself, and he was annoyed that I didn’t value his honesty.”
22. “‘I just remembered I forgot to turn off the coffee pot at work today.’”
